Type and Relationships:
Key Results from First Online, In-Depth Study

By Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger
Research Design and Analysis Consultant: John Cubeta, Ph.d.

In an effort to learn about the connection between Type and relationship satisfaction we conducted research which included four components: interviews with couples therapists, a comprehensive survey questionnaire completed by 1,040 individuals, open-ended questionnaires completed by over 750 people, and in-depth interviews conducted in person or by telephone with hundreds of couples. Respondents reflected a wide range of ages, education levels, income ranges, ethnic backgrounds, length of time in a relationship, and a sizable number of all temperaments and each of the sixteen types. Respondents came from all fifty states and dozens of foreign countries.

• Ninety-two percent of respondents considered good communication a "most important" aspect of a satisfying relationship.

• The more satisfied people were with the quality of their communication, the more satisfied they were with their relationship.

• The more type preferences a couple had in common, the higher they rated their satisfaction with the quality of their communication.

What's more important - Type or Gender?
In an effort to confirm or refute some popularly held beliefs about differences between men and women, we analyzed several of the data to see what, if any effect gender had on specific behaviors and attitudes. In the majority of items analyzed, gender appears to have little influence. And in several instances, results suggested behavior was often more influenced by one's personality type that by one's gender. One example:

Participants ranked several qualities according to how important they were in a satisfying relationship. On the quality "intimacy", a slim majority of women considered it slightly more important than men did. But far greater differences were observed between Thinkers and Feelers. About 60% of Thinkers (both men and women) considered intimacy most important compared with 75% of Feelers (both men and women). And by a slight majority, male Thinkers considered it more important than female Thinkers.

Aspects of a Satisfying Relationship
The survey looked at twenty-two aspects of satisfying relationships to determine which were most important to people of different types.

Those aspects and percentages that all people indicated were most important:

Aspects and percentages all people indicated were least important

Clearly, some types value certain characteristics more than they do others. Looking at which aspects are most and least important to different types can help us predict the issues that might result in problems for different pairings. For example, 81% of INFPs rated intimacy as "most important", to only 52% of ISTPs who rated it that high. It is reasonable to assume then that ISTP and INFP couples might experience conflict, or at least tension, around intimacy. Some other examples of disparate ratings for aspects of a satisfying relationship:

The Judging/Perceiving Conundrum
Because many people believe the Judging and Perceiving is the source of most conflict in relationships, we examined how similarities or differences on this dimension affect relationship satisfaction. What we found were almost identical levels of satisfaction for people who were alike and different from their partners on the J/P scale.

But when we examined combinations of Thinking/Feeling with Judging/Perceiving, we noted some dramatic differences. The combinations reporting the most satisfaction:

But it is equally interesting to learn which combinations of T/F with J/P were the least satisfied:

TPs who are partnered with FJs may find their partners too sensitive, judgmental, and controlling. And TJs with FJ partners may have similar issues. It is more challenging to explain why TPs with TP partners were the least satisfied; perhaps it is because TPs are both critical by nature, and constantly on the lookout for exciting new possibilities, which may lead them to be less appreciative and satisfied with their current partner.

A Look at Temperament Groups
Since temperament reflects core values, we examined how temperamental similarities and differences might influence relationship satisfaction. Ranked from most to least satisfied, with the reporting partner's temperament first:

Adding "Thinking" and "Feeling" into the Mix
Fifty-nine percent of SPs with SPs reported being satisfied. But when we factored in "Thinking" and "Feeling", we discovered that only 33% of STPs with STPs were satisfied, compared with 80% of SFPs with SFPs.

Because SJs with SJ partners were the most satisfied (79%), and NFs with SJ partners the least satisfied (46%), we looked at how satisfaction would be affected if we also factored in a person's preferences for the Thinking or Feeling and Judging or Perceiving. Ranked from most, to least satisfied:

The least satisfied were NFPs with STJs (42%), followed by STJs with NFPs (45%) -- particularly interesting since a high percentage of NFPs and STJs seem to form relationships.

In analyzing other data as well, we found that the more preferences in common, the more illustrative the findings. For example, 44% of all SPs considered fidelity a "most important aspect" of a satisfying relationship. But almost twice as many SFPs (63%) considered it most important than did STPs (33%).

Common Sources of Conflict
Of the seventeen common sources of conflicts examined, the issues people experienced conflict around the most frequently were:

1. communication
2. power and control
3. intimacy
4. money
5. quality time together

The issues people experienced conflict around the least frequently:

1. drug or alcohol use/abuse
2. blended family relationships
3. religious or cultural differences
4. political differences
5. age differences

The Judging/Perceiving Connection in Conflicts
Judging and Perceiving differences seems to be related to several potential sources of conflict. For example, when the issue of "power and control" was examined from the J/P perspective, the percentages for those reporting they "frequently experience" conflict around this issue were quite different:

While 22% of Perceivers with Perceiving partners "frequently experience" conflict around the issue of "power and control", more than twice as many Perceivers with Judging partners experienced it frequently (46%).

Practical Implications…
The above is a VERY abbreviated summary of some key findings which identified the most frequent sources of conflict, and most satisfying aspects of a relationship to people of all types. It underscored how crucial communication is, and allowed us to understand why different types often miss communicate. It also enabled us to debunk some widely held, and destructive myths about the differences between men and women.

Gaining insight into the multitude of dynamics that account for conflict and satisfaction in a relationship between two people is truly a daunting task. And although Personality Type is only one piece of a complex puzzle, this study demonstrated conclusively that it is a very important piece. Our hope and expectation is that the book we've written as a result of this work will help couples understand, accept, and appreciate their partners better, and lead to happier, healthier, more satisfying relationships.

Paul D. Tieger (ENFP) and Barbara Barron-Tieger (ENFJ) are the co-authors of DO WHAT YOU ARE, NURTURE BY NATURE, and THE ART OF SPEEDREADING PEOPLE. This research was conducted for their most recent book JUST YOUR TYPE (©2000 Little, Brown & Co.)